“for everyone carrying the other side of their smile”

My name is Natalie, and my friend Warren and I have taken on the challenge of cycling the length of Scotland to raise money and awareness for men’s mental health.

Earlier this year, I lost someone I loved very deeply to poor mental health. His name was Ethan. Ethan touched far more lives than he ever realised, and none more than my own. While Ethan struggled, that was the smallest part of who he was. He was funny, thoughtful, and loved the outdoors. He loved to make people laugh; he had the sharpest wit and the cheekiest smile. He loved his little dog, Dottie, camping with his brother, golfing with his friends, and, most of all, winding me up over complete nonsense. He left his mark on every corner of my life. Like so many people, Ethan carried things that others couldn’t always see. But he was so much more than his struggles, and so much more than the way he died.

‘Both Sides of a Smile’ is named in honour of Ethan’s life, not his death. It’s named to remind us that a smile can hide so much, and that even the people who seem the happiest can sometimes be carrying the heaviest things.

Through this challenge, we hope to raise money, start conversations, and help even one person realise that they don’t have to struggle alone. If we help even one person, then every turn of our pedals is worth it.

For several years, Warren has also struggled with his mental health. His own reasoning for this challenge is equally as personal.

‘For a long time, I have personally struggled with poor mental health. There were times when I genuinely didn’t believe there would be a tomorrow for me. I had given up on myself. I stopped believing things could get better, stopped wanting to try new things, and felt trapped in a place I couldn’t see a way out of.

Recently, I reached the point where I felt I couldn’t carry on anymore. Thankfully, the police found me that evening. Had they not, the outcome could have been very different. I will always be grateful that I’m still here today.

Sharing this isn’t easy, but if my story encourages even one person to ask for help or realise they are not alone, then it is worth it.’

We are cycling to raise funds for two incredibly important charities; Andy’s Man Club and SOBS.

Andy’s Man Club focuses on men’s mental health, helping to break the stigma surrounding mental health in young men. Their work helps young men like Ethan and Warren by giving them a safe space to talk, access to support, and, fundamentally, a network of people who understand what they are going through- others who are struggling themselves, those that have come through the other side of ill mental health, and professional support.

It’s important to both of us to support men’s mental health as we recognise the disproportionate impact of mental health on young men. Over the last 3 months, we’ve personally known of 3 young men in our area, 2 of whom were in the same year of the same school, who have taken their own lives. Men account for around 75% of all suicides, making it the leading cause of death in men under 50.

We hope to help make that change, to help even one person understand that their life has meaning, and others’ lives are better for having them in it.

SOBS is a charity dedicated to those who have been bereaved by suicide. This cause is especially important to me, because I for one didn’t really comprehend the impact suicide loss has on the loved ones left behind. I saw firsthand not only my own devastation, but crowds of friends and family who all couldn’t imagine a tomorrow without Ethan in it.

The heartbreak I experienced when Ethan died was unbearable, and sent me into a head-space I’d never been in before. I found myself waking up wishing I hadn’t, thoughts I’d never really thought before. According to studies, those bereaved by suicide are twice as likely to take their own life, which highlights how important support after suicide loss really is. SOBS helps to change that. They offer support, counselling, and, most importantly, understanding, which is so hard to find amid such tragedy.

Our own mental health is what sparked this challenge. Warren was lying in ECU, hooked up to oxygen, while I sat beside him, almost numb to the reality of how we’d ended up there. In that moment, we realised something had to change. We needed to do something to help ourselves.

We wanted to do something positive for ourselves and for the people who love us, while helping ensure fewer families experience the grief we’ve been carrying. Therefore, while this cycle is for charity, it’s also for us, while carrying Ethan between us every step of the way.

This challenge is for every young man who feels he has nowhere to turn.

It’s for every family carrying an unbearable loss.

And it’s for Ethan, whose life, laughter and love continue to inspire us every single day.

Forever in our hearts. Forever my star.